Theismann's a Retard - Part I of an Infinitely Long Series

Alright, so, I was hoping that I could wait till June 25 just to show that the WUWS crew can actually go a full month without a single post. Some loyal readers are finding it difficult to justify a WUWS bookmark when 9 out of 10 times, er, 29 out of 30 times there isn't anything new to read. Well, for those of you having trouble seeing the forest with all these trees in the way, let me help you understand why this is. 2 reasons, really:

(1) quality vs. quantity - note that during every article you've ever read on WUWS, you found yourself muttering, "my god, this is the best fucking thing that I have ever read!!", or, "it's like GoStrider! knows exactly who I am, where I'm coming from, and how I feel right this fucking minute when he tells me about why the Bears didn't need Thomas Jones", or, "I did the math, and I must have made a mistake, but the number of hits on this site come up just short of each contributor visiting it once per day, but man, is it good!"

(2) We at WUWS are determined to be unaffected by the 24-hour news cycle that has done so much damage to the quality of media, today. In protest, not only will we only report on issues that need, neigh, demand to be reported, we will actually neglect to report on most of those, as well. This story is case in point: on an almost daily basis, Theismann does something worthy of a next installment, yet this is the first! With a fantastically designed system of pulleys and levers, we are moving that pendulum back to the center with very little effort. Brilliant!

Theismann's a Retard - Ultimate Depth Chart: NFC North

"The big question mark for this team is at running back: Can the Bears be as successful with Cedric Benson as the lone ball carrier?"

So, as a Bears fan, I am biased, but this is a legitimately retarded thing to say. Why? While Thomas Jones was the Bears' leading rusher, last year, his leadership in the locker room and on the field, in my mind, did more harm than good. Thomas was so popular with teammates that the defense went out of their way to punish Cedric Benson in preseason drills, putting him out for multiple games with a shoulder injury. That absence cemented Jones as the starter while Benson was clearly the stronger, much stronger, back. Benson's a battering ram, and I fully expect 2007 to propel him past his career 4.1 yds/carry and into the upper echelon of fantasy backs and do it while punishing the hell out of defenses. Also, backing him up, we've got the real Adrian Peterson with his career 4.7 yds/carry and Garrett Wolfe with his NCAA-high 1,900 rushing yards while averaging nearly 157 yards per game wit the Northwestern Wildcats, last year, will add some different looks and a spark in the receiving game.

Now, if you're not convinced, here's another, maybe more convincing, quote:

"If he gets time, Favre is still one of the most dangerous quarterbacks in the league."