Why Baseball is the most poorly run sport besides basketball and hockey

So I just drafted a fantasy baseball team. I've found that having a fantasy team is the only way to keep me interested in baseball, and baseball is all we have for a long, long, LONG time after the NCAA tournament ends (expect for the NBA playofss, but who watches that crap anymore?).

Anyway, I drafted a team that is sure to be the model for every fantasy team assembled afterward. Much like the NFL, fantasy baseball is a copycat league. I checked the schedule to see when I could start watching my gladiator-like players in action (some of whom I've actually heard of before), and it turns out Opening Day is Sunday April 1st. But only two games are being played that day, which means that for 26 teams Opening Day is the next day: the same day as the NCAA National Title game.

What?!?

Why on God's green earth would you schedule your opener to occur on the same day as another sport's final championship game? Is baseball so arrogant as to believe this won't drive away fans in, say, the Florida or Cleveland or Cincinnati or Los Angeles or Washington DC markets? Yes, baseball is that arrogant and has always been that arrogant. They canceled the World Series for a year, and the fans still came back. Hell, they called it the "World Series" before they even let black people play. I can see how the conversation must have went:

Bud Selig (commissioner): When are we going to start our season?
Robert Manfred (vp, labor relations): Why don't we just cancel it again? Don't we lose money every season anyway? And I fucking hate Donald Fehr.
Jonathan Mariner (vp, finance): We can't do that! We only say we're losing money, and our books show that almost every club is losing tons of money. But we're really richer than God! (extends his middle finger skyward) That's right bitch! What are you gonna do!
Selig: Settle down John. How about we start on April 1st. That's a nice, round date. And to whet the appetite of our retarded fans, we'll only play two games on that day and start the rest the next day. Christ, I'm a genius!
Bart Giamatti (vp, common sense): ....
Tim Brosnan (vp, punkin' fools): That's right Giamatti, you stay dead! We killed your ass long ago! We fucking KILLED YOUR ASS!!!
Selig: Well, since there are no objections, it's settled then. Now set that Royals fan on fire so I can light my cigar....

I hate the NCAA tournament

My bracket looks something like this

Tonight seems like a great time for a festivus airing of grievances. 9 months early you say? Suck my cack I respond.

1)Kansas
You dirty salt of the earth fuckers. I'm bad at basketball. Some would say I play at a DIII level. You know what I can do though? Make layups. Don't tell me that UCLA played tough defense in this game. I saw the stat early in the second half that showed Kansas was shooting 12/26 on layups and dunks. I now know what Ol' Dirty Bastard was talking about in the into to his first album.

2)Memphis
I'm not really sure why I'm pissed at you other than you cost me some possible money. At least Xavier and Tennessee made Ohio St sweat. You rolled over like dogs in the last five minutes.

3)Pac-10
I just HATE you other nine fuckers. The stupid WSU pride. The nouveau riche Oregon fans. Pretty much everything about UCLA. Fucking conquest (although the USC cheerleaders are top shelf). That damn Stanford tree. The rampant syphilis at Arizona St. Arizona for giving my bracket a bismarck in '97. Corvallis in general. Cal for...I don't really know but I hate Cal as well.

4)Anyone that's ahead of me on their backets
LICK MY BALLS!!! That salty taste is my bitterness spilling over. That includes half of the WUWS crew and about 400,000 people in ESPN nation.

5)Digger Phelps and Billy Packer
Because it's never a bad time to point out that you two are morons.

6)Joakim Noah
You earned this a long time ago. How will you annoy me tomorrow? Are you going to treat me to the Shooter McGavin? Perhaps you'll frighten Verne Lundquist again with your stupid ass dance. Perhaps you'll just look ugly. Doesn't matter, I'm gonna be pissed off when I see you on TV tomorrow.

I'm sure I missed somebody, but don't worry I hate you too. Enjoy the games tomorrow.

64 to 16: What I learned over the weekend

Psycho T will bite your face
While most of the WUWS crew is suffering from the cruel hangover that can only come from a 60 hour Vegas binge, I'm currently enjoying the sweet hangover that can only come from digesting 48 games in 4 days. Now it's time to take stock of the weekend and see if there was anything to be learned.

Who hit blackjack:
1)The SEC. A couple of weeks ago I dumped on the SEC but in terms of expected performance based on seeding, this conference did great. It's teams had the most wins vs expectations and placed the most teams in the Sweet 16 vs expectations.
2)Mid Majors. Hey the little guys are alright. Butler and Southern Illinois justified their high seedings. Their rewards are matchups against #1 seeds Florida and Kansas respectively. The party will be expected to end there but for now they get to grind on all the pretty girls in the room.
3)UNLV. Yeah, I bet against them but my policy is to never gamble with my heart. Wendell White has been a star and the Rebels have been surprisingly strong on the boards. This run brings back all the memories of Theus, Gilliam, Augmon and Johnson.
4)My bracket. I'm currently in 2nd but still have my entire Elite 8 alive and with Texas being eliminated, Go Strider's bracket will quickly fall from the top spot.

Who puked in the VIP lounge:
1)The ACC. Save for North Carolina, these guys had a bad weekend. Virginia and Maryland both failed to play up to their seeds. Duke got bloodied by Eric Maynor and VCU and Blue Devil fans must be sobered by the fact that Greg Paulus and Josh McRoberts each have two years of eligiblity left.
2)Wisconsin. Everyone could see this coming from a mile away. The Badgers were playing better a month ago and the loss of Brian Butch while not a killer certainly didn't help. A shame as this team's only crime is that it's a little bit boring.
3)Washington teams not nicknamed the Huskies. At least we have the good sense to stay home when we get fucked up. WSU and Gonzaga both lost bringing much joy to the DIII palace.

Who didn't win their 4 team parlay but also didn't fuck a tranny:
1)The Pac-10. They got three teams into the Sweet 16 but UCLA and Oregon were expected to be there while USC isn't exactly Cinderella as a #5 seed. WSU lost a tough one to Vandy but Arizona and Stanford were less than inspiring. This weekend will be the real test for this conference that bitches and moans about east coast bias.
2)The Big-10 in general and Ohio St in particular. ESPN will have you believe that they shit all over themselves. In reality, of their six teams only Wisconsin and Ohio St were actually expected to make the Sweet 16. Ohio State partied like a rockstar on Thursday then nearly choked on their vomit come Saturday. Hey survive and advance. Sometimes what works in Vegas works in the tourney as well.
3)Kevin Durant. He averaged nearly 30 points a game but his Longhorns got throttled by USC. Hopefully this wasn't his last game at Texas but wishing for that is stupid.
4)The #1 seeds. We saw Florida, Carolina and Ohio St all struggle this weekend. Kansas on the other hand cruised and is playing very well right now. All of them won which sets up some potentially huge matchups next weekend.

Well that's a wrap for the first weekend of the tournament. The lack of any huge Cinderellas means that there are going to be some big games this weekend. While the first weekend of the tourney is the most exciting, for my money the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 is the best weekend for fans of college basketball. Move over Albany. Step aside VCU. It's time to make room for the blue bloods.

Selection Show Commentary

It's time for the 1st annual NCAA selection show diary. I tried getting in touch with SeargentSuj but he's nowhere to be found. No matter, I have my UNLV hoodie and a bowl of chips and guac and I'm ready to roll.

2:39 Kansas just finished off Texas in overtime. That should wrap up a #1 seed for them. I'll probably pick them to make the final four but they've burned me many many times in the past.

2:43 Seth Davis just made his first stupid comment of the afternoon talking about the 19 year old NBA rule. Now Clark Kellog is yelling and Greg Gumbel appears to be scared.

2:45 Joe Lunardi just gave us his last 4 teams in. I don't care, none of them will do much. Why are we spending so much time talking about Old Dominion? Will any of us remember Old Dominion by next Saturday?

2:49 Hey Nick Fazekas is coached by Jimmy Kimmel!

2:50 John Calipari just called his team great. Really? They don't do much well besides jump. Did he just call Seth Davis a nazi sympathizer?

3:00 Alright here we go. Who are the #1 seeds? I say Kansas, UCLA, UNC and Florida. Wait I'm forgetting someone. Probably Ohio St. And the real #1s are Florida, UNC, Ohio St, and Kansas. That makes sense. Looks like UCLA really blew it when they shit the bed on Thursday.

3:04 Here's Jim and Billy. Prepare to be annoyed. Jim tells me that Florida is the story of the tournament. How about we let the game be played before deciding that. I'm sure he already has a corny line ready for when they win it all. I now give you a couple classic Nantz lines:

"And Cleaves has restored the Magic in East Lansing"
"It started in March, ended in April and belonged to May"

Ugghhh

3:09 Ok the Midwest
1.Florida 2.Wisconsin 3.Oregon 4.Maryland

Hey Old Dominion got the #12 seed against Butler. Perhaps we will care about ODU for at least a couple of days. Sarge's Maryland team got the #4 seed. Not too bad but I'm not that high on them. UNLV gets a #7 against Georgia Tech. Ouch, I don't like that matchup. This bracket looks like a cakewalk if Florida decides to show up. Otherwise, who else is out there? Maybe Oregon? ehhh. I like them better than Wisconsin though.

3:17 Here's the West
1.Kansas 2.UCLA 3.Pitt 4.Southern Illinois

The Kentucky/Villanova winner looks like fodder for Kansas. I don't see Kansas losing on the first weekend. UCLA stayed out west, perhpas that will be an advantage for them. Wow, Duke as a #6 seed. I don't think I've ever seen them seeded so low. Gonzaga and Indiana will have a rematch from one of the worst games from last year. If the zags win, they could have another rematch with UCLA. Who'll cry this year? Derek Ravio? I'd like that. If Kansas does lose early this region looks wide open. Could Pitt's big guys expose UCLA? They might have a shot at winning this region.

3:23 And now with the East
1.UNC 2.Georgetown 3.Washington St. 4.Texas

The Marquette/Mich St winner could give Carolina a tough game. USC got a 5? That seems high but they're a solid team. Texas at #4 across from UNC could be a great Sweet 16 game. Christ this is a tough region. Seth Davis just called Oral Roberts to beat Wash St. I think they lose to Vanderbilt but if they coug it in the first round the boys of WUWS will be all the happier. Wow, I'm not sure UNC can get out of this bracket? I think there might be some upsets on the bottom half of the bracket leaving Georgetown to cruise to the Elite 8. Perhaps Georgetown/Texas for a chance at the final 4?

3:33 Finally the South
1.Ohio St 2.Memphis 3.Texas A&M 4.Virginia

I don't love Ohio St. but who's gonna beat them in their half of the bracket? Can the Nevada/Creighton winner beat Memphis? Ohh Texas A&M at 3, I like them. Ohhhh Louisville at #6, I like them too. I'm not too high on Ohio St so I'm gonna say either Louisville or Texas A&M comes out of the bottom half to beat the Buckeyes.

Ok they're done with the bracket. Looks like the ACC got 7 bids, no surprise there. The Pac-10 got 6 seeds. Nice job, too bad the Dawgs weren't one of them. NIT baby!

The mid majors didn't get a ton of bids. I don't care one bit. You know what I hate? Cinderellas. Waaaaaay overrated. It makes for boring games the second weekend. I want to see games like UNC/Texas, Kansas/UCLA or Texas A&M/Memphis. I don't want to see Creighton even though Nate Funke has a cool name.

Everyone is crying about Syracuse not making it. Why do all talking heads love Jim Boeheim so much? What does he do behind the scenes to always get so much love? I thought they sucked this year so I'm not upset that they're out.

Billy Packer just said that he's seen Winthrop a lot of times this year. Fucking liar.

3:47 Time to grill the committee chair. This is usually great. Billy and Jim make retarded points while some sacrificial lamb sits there like a deer in headlights. He's telling us the Kansas would have gotten the #1 seed regardless if they lost today. He's telling us how hard his job was. Shit, I'd gladly sit around and pick basketball teams to be in a tournament then go to dinner. That sounds like fun. Billy is congratulating the guy? What happened there? That was a real disappointment.

Ok, the brackets are set. Later this week, we'll have our draft and bracket pick ems. If we're lucky we'll get some field reports from the Mandalay sports book. Enjoy the tournament.

NBA Draft Preview: Who Will Be A Bust?

Now is the time to do an NBA Draft preview, before someone gets hot for the NCAA tournament and artificially inflates their stock (Bryant Reeves, I'm looking in your direction. It's hard not to, I know....). The consensus seems to be that this is the deepest draft in years. Really? In reality, it's significantly worse than the 2003 draft even before we learn that a few of the top projected picks will stay in college. Below are several highly-rated prospects, ranked in order of possible draft position, evaluated based on what they have done and what the odds they have of reaching their "tremendous upside potential".

1. Greg Oden
It's hard to judge a man who is hurt so badly he shoots free throws with his off-hand, but he has shown that he can be taken out of games by physical opponents. Fightling for position and showing passion have nothing to do with his injured hand. His physical gifts assure him of a certain level of success in the NBA, barring injury, and he can be a dominant defender. But are is gifts significantly greater than Michael Olowokandi's? He will be an above-average NBA center, think Tyson Chandler with a few more dunks, but not an all-timer. In today's NBA, that makes him a #1 pick.

2. Kevin Durant
What can't he do? Offensively, you have to look a ways backward for a good comparison. Many people mention Carmelo Anthony, but Durant far surpases Anthony's skills at the same age. Anthony wasn't a top-5 pick until everyone saw his play in the NCAAs. What sets him apart is his rebounding abilities, which Anthony never had. He's more like a Glenn Robinson, who was POY and led Purdue to a #1 seed (and historic flameout), although Durant has more athleticism and that alone will make him a better pro than the Big Dog. Here's the real #1 pick.

3. Julian Wright
Wright is often called "versatile" and "unselfish", which are kisses of death for an NBA career. Scouts also often add "when he wants to" before describing his potential, which is another big red flag. Wright can be a very nice role player, maybe even a third fiddle on a good team, but he will need a defined roll and he is not an alpha dog. His demeanor on the court suggests he would flourish in such a role. Is that what you want out of a #3 pick? Since the owner of the #3 pick is usually a bad team then adding Wright won't help, much like the then-horrible Grizzlies selecting Shane Battier. Julian will have a solid NBA career, but not with the team who drafts him.

4. Brandan Wright
All potential, no delivery. Scouts love his size, length, athleticism, etc: all the measurables. But watch him on the court and you get the feeling he should be doing more. He can't shoot free throws, which is usually an indicator of how much a players works on his game, and he plays next to Tyler Hansbrough who does all the dirty work. Wright is a classic example of potential-driven hype.

5. Joakim Noah
Noah plays with more passion for a high-lottery pick than anyone in a long time. But how good will he be? Well, he doesn't appear to be improved from last season. And he's called the NBA "a joke". So we have a strange dichotomy: he plays with all the passion and fervor anyone could ask for, but off the court he doesn't seem to have the same fire to improve. In addition, he's another player who gained a reputation based largely on a hot streak: the 2006 NCAAs. I don't trust his commitment to basketball, particularly NBA basketball which he has called "a joke". He could be Marcus Camby if he lands on the right team, but only if he lands ont he right team. Most likely he'll get drafted by a bad team, get poisoned by the NBA atmosphere, and fade away with unfulfilled potential.

6. Al Horford
Horford might be a better pro than his teammate Noah. The NBA is moving to smaller, faster teams and Horford could be a force. He's Udonis Haslem with a bit more talent and shot-blocking ability, and like Haslem he could flourish in the right system. With a strong motor and a will to improve, he'll be in the league long enough to find that system.

7. Spencer Hawes
This is another guy who will stick around in the league for a long time, and eventually find the right situation to flourish. He's as skilled as any center in the last twenty years, but he clearly needs more strength and weight. Once he becomes an NBA-ready rebounder, which is probably 2-3 years of physical development away, he can be the centerpiece of a beautiful motion offense on a team with a few shooters, a slasher, and a rugged rebounder/defender. His work ethic is unquestionable (people aren't born with the ability to finish moves with both hands like he can), so it's only a matter of time before he becomes an effective NBA center, barring injury. Until then, however, he's a poor man's Andrew Bogut.

8. Yi Jianlian
"The best Chinese center since Yao Ming". There are other Chinese centers since Yao Ming? He's supposedly a shooter/ballhandler 7-footer who's dominating Chinese basketball. China has a billion people, and the only one who plays in the NBA is 7'6". Not good odds. This reeks of a desperate attempt to find "the next Yao". This is a guaranteed wasted pick, so he'll likely go to the Oklahoma City Sonics.

9. Brook Lopez
Another big man with potential, and most likely P.J. Brown at best. With so many big guys in the lottery, that means some really excellent players will be taken by some pretty good teams in the mid-to-late teens. Does that make this a deep draft? No, it makes it a deceptively shallow draft with a bunch of possible stiffs at the top. It's guaranteed that at least 5 of the top 10 taken in this draft will be disappointments at best. Lopez is a strong candidate.

10. Thaddeus Young
Now we start to get into the glut of swingmen who would be #5 picks in normal years but this year will get pushed because of all the big man "talent". Young's negatives are strength and the lack of a position. "Lack of a position" is a term that idiots use to inadvertently reveal their incompetence. What position does Dwayne Wade play? What position does Dirk Nowitzki play? Young has as much potential as Julian Wright in the right system.

11. Chase Budinger
Talented... Athletic... Great shooter... Not to be dismissive, but haven't we heard this before from players out of Arizona? Well, we have. But that's not a bad thing because Zona alumni are all over the NBA. Budinger can be an impact player in the NBA as it moves back to a faster pace with his shooting ability and size. By "impact" I mean that he'll be the x-factor in some games, but won't be able to overcome too much attention by the opposition. In other words, a strong role player for a good team but a sub-third fiddle. Like Kyle Korver.

12. Al Thornton
An athletic defender with improving offensive skills. Can anyone peg him for sure? No, but he'll almost certainly end up better than....

13. Corey Brewer
Classic. Inflated stock due to a hot streak on a good team in March, followed by an "inconsistent" season. The reason? He was never very good to begin with. I think he has a birthmark on his ass that resembles the word "bust".

There you go, I got you through the lottery. This is the time of year when everyone can be an NBA superstar, and no one will be a bust. History shows us otherwise. The key is figure out who will be the bust before drafting him (>cough<>cough<). Ahem, excuse me. Anyway, watch out for the player not on anyone's list who rises based solely on being hot during the next couple weeks. That guy is going to be a bust, too.

NCAA tourney musings

I watch sports and I am here to tell you that Kansas is a lock for the tournament. Julian Wright pwns the Big XII. In Lawrence, they speak in reverential tones about the length of his....wingspan. Rock, chalk Jayhawk indeed.

I watch sports and let me tell you, I'm not ready to give up on Justin Dentmon. His stats are pretty similar to Will Conroy's after two seasons. Then again, Will Conroy was a badass. It's a little known fact that as a sophomore at Garfield High, he fathered Kevin Durant. Dentmon on the other hand has been known to perform spoken word poetry that is only marginally harder than the works of JJ Redick. Truly, Dentmon's career is at a crossroads.

Memphis has a team full of players that can jump high. If the baskets are raised to 11 feet in the tourney, they are a huge threat to win it all. If the baskets remain at 10 feet, the Tigers' inability to master fundamentals such as shooting will hurt them.

Remember when the SEC was awesome? What happened there?

• Kentucky can't recruit McDonald's All-Americans anymore.
• Arkansas hasn't been a threat since people started respecting them a decade ago.
• LSU despite a surprise run last year has been mediocre for the most part.
• Besides Florida, the best teams are Tennessee and Vanderbilt. Tennessee's best moment this year was when their coach painted his chest at a women's game.

Perhaps it's best to stay away from the SEC when filling out your bracket.