"And you will know his name is Locker, when he lays his vengeance upon thee"

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil players. Blessed is the Locker, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for Locker is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And he will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy his brothers. And you will know his name is Locker when he lays his vengeance upon thee."

*did we ever get a consensus on our God Locker shirts? "Locker 3:16" on the front, "Say your prayers" on the back.

*"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son to play quarterback for the Huskies."
Showing his infinite mercy in not sending him to Pullman

*I'd love to see a poster or banner with Locker throwing a pass while standing on water.

*"And Locker put his hand in his bag, and took thence a pigskin, and slang it, and smote the Trojan in his forehead, that the pigskin sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth. So Locker prevailed over the Trojan with a pigskin and a pair of cleats, and smote the trojan, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of Locker." 1 Samuel 17:49-50

*"I have overthrown some of you, as God overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah, and ye were as a firebrand plucked out of the burning: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith Locker." Amos 4:11

*Ahhh, now this is a conversation that could only happen during football season!
In the beginning, when Locker came to campus, the Husky football program was a formless wasteland, and darkness covered the abyss while a mighty wind swept over the waters. Then Locker said "Let there be wins." And so it happened: the Husky football program brought forth every kind of win that bears satisfaction and every kind of victory that causes grown men to cry. Locker saw how good this was.

*Maybe we should all grow beards, and wear sandals and purple togas with Locker's name across the back. And then prstelitize across the Syracuse campus.

*So the Husky fans shouted when Locker blew his trumpet: and it came to pass, when the Husky fans heard the sound of the trumpet, and the Husky fans shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat, so that the Husky fans went up into Pullman, every man straight before him, and they took the town. And they utterly destroyed all that was in Pullman, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of a sword. Joshua 6:20-21

The Summer of our Discontent

Thank the good lord that football season is nearly upon us. The dearth of entertainment from WUWS has reached epic proportions, but, in our defense, what the hell are we supposed to write about? Summer league NBA basketball? Tennis? Golf? Baseball? Don't be ridiculous.

So I'm going to officially open football season with an extensive dissertation on first round fantasy football draft strategy. Many fools posing as seers delve into this highly complicated topic. Some people will tell you to draft Joseph Addai before Peyton Manning. But what if your league starts two quarterbacks, like any self-respecting league should? Honestly, in your single-quarterback leagues, does it really make sense to draft Tom Brady in the 5th round right after Maurice Morris? How much fun is that?

But I digress; on to the good stuff! We at WUWS are in a league that I have seemingly sucked at but secretly been sand-bagging for the last several years, waiting for my league-mates to approach my massive intellectual reservior of NFL knowledge. So here is my first round strategy: draft LaDainian Tomlinson.

I know, I know. But hear me out. Choosing Tomlinson on the surface gives me a good chance to be competitive in the league, but I'm a smart and clever enough drafter to make other choices that ensure I do not contend. But not choosing Tomlinson would make it too obvious that I'm sand-bagging it, and my league-mates might demand that I begin trying and possibly even declare the last several seasons as tainted and retroactively make me the champion. I'd feel bad if they scratched their names off our trophy and replaced them with mine. It would strain our friendships, and that's not good for anyone.

But here lies the beauty in the selection: every draft you essentially try to figure out the order of the following year's draft. On my team, I want to have next season's #1 draft pick because it would mean that I had the guy with the best season, assuming I was trying to win the league, which I'm not. So how often has a player been the consensus #1 pick two years in a row? Not often. So in choosing Tomlinson, even though he's a great player, I'm almost guaranteed not to get #1 pick production from him. If he gets hurt, then I can really play up the sand-bagging and make everyone feel sorry for me. I had the foresight to do this last season by drafting Shaun Alexander. I knew perfectly well that LT had scored more fantasy points the previous season, despite not setting the touchdown record like Alexander did, but I took Shaun instead. Perfectly defensible to my league-mates, even though it was a sand-bagger's choice. I've become really good at this.

So, in conclusion, the best first round draft strategy is to draft LaDainian Tomlinson. Oh yeah, I have the #1 pick. Like I give a crap about the other slots.