"And you will know his name is Locker, when he lays his vengeance upon thee"

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil players. Blessed is the Locker, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for Locker is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And he will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy his brothers. And you will know his name is Locker when he lays his vengeance upon thee."

*did we ever get a consensus on our God Locker shirts? "Locker 3:16" on the front, "Say your prayers" on the back.

*"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son to play quarterback for the Huskies."
Showing his infinite mercy in not sending him to Pullman

*I'd love to see a poster or banner with Locker throwing a pass while standing on water.

*"And Locker put his hand in his bag, and took thence a pigskin, and slang it, and smote the Trojan in his forehead, that the pigskin sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth. So Locker prevailed over the Trojan with a pigskin and a pair of cleats, and smote the trojan, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of Locker." 1 Samuel 17:49-50

*"I have overthrown some of you, as God overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah, and ye were as a firebrand plucked out of the burning: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith Locker." Amos 4:11

*Ahhh, now this is a conversation that could only happen during football season!
In the beginning, when Locker came to campus, the Husky football program was a formless wasteland, and darkness covered the abyss while a mighty wind swept over the waters. Then Locker said "Let there be wins." And so it happened: the Husky football program brought forth every kind of win that bears satisfaction and every kind of victory that causes grown men to cry. Locker saw how good this was.

*Maybe we should all grow beards, and wear sandals and purple togas with Locker's name across the back. And then prstelitize across the Syracuse campus.

*So the Husky fans shouted when Locker blew his trumpet: and it came to pass, when the Husky fans heard the sound of the trumpet, and the Husky fans shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat, so that the Husky fans went up into Pullman, every man straight before him, and they took the town. And they utterly destroyed all that was in Pullman, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of a sword. Joshua 6:20-21

The Summer of our Discontent

Thank the good lord that football season is nearly upon us. The dearth of entertainment from WUWS has reached epic proportions, but, in our defense, what the hell are we supposed to write about? Summer league NBA basketball? Tennis? Golf? Baseball? Don't be ridiculous.

So I'm going to officially open football season with an extensive dissertation on first round fantasy football draft strategy. Many fools posing as seers delve into this highly complicated topic. Some people will tell you to draft Joseph Addai before Peyton Manning. But what if your league starts two quarterbacks, like any self-respecting league should? Honestly, in your single-quarterback leagues, does it really make sense to draft Tom Brady in the 5th round right after Maurice Morris? How much fun is that?

But I digress; on to the good stuff! We at WUWS are in a league that I have seemingly sucked at but secretly been sand-bagging for the last several years, waiting for my league-mates to approach my massive intellectual reservior of NFL knowledge. So here is my first round strategy: draft LaDainian Tomlinson.

I know, I know. But hear me out. Choosing Tomlinson on the surface gives me a good chance to be competitive in the league, but I'm a smart and clever enough drafter to make other choices that ensure I do not contend. But not choosing Tomlinson would make it too obvious that I'm sand-bagging it, and my league-mates might demand that I begin trying and possibly even declare the last several seasons as tainted and retroactively make me the champion. I'd feel bad if they scratched their names off our trophy and replaced them with mine. It would strain our friendships, and that's not good for anyone.

But here lies the beauty in the selection: every draft you essentially try to figure out the order of the following year's draft. On my team, I want to have next season's #1 draft pick because it would mean that I had the guy with the best season, assuming I was trying to win the league, which I'm not. So how often has a player been the consensus #1 pick two years in a row? Not often. So in choosing Tomlinson, even though he's a great player, I'm almost guaranteed not to get #1 pick production from him. If he gets hurt, then I can really play up the sand-bagging and make everyone feel sorry for me. I had the foresight to do this last season by drafting Shaun Alexander. I knew perfectly well that LT had scored more fantasy points the previous season, despite not setting the touchdown record like Alexander did, but I took Shaun instead. Perfectly defensible to my league-mates, even though it was a sand-bagger's choice. I've become really good at this.

So, in conclusion, the best first round draft strategy is to draft LaDainian Tomlinson. Oh yeah, I have the #1 pick. Like I give a crap about the other slots.

Theismann's a Retard - Part I of an Infinitely Long Series

Alright, so, I was hoping that I could wait till June 25 just to show that the WUWS crew can actually go a full month without a single post. Some loyal readers are finding it difficult to justify a WUWS bookmark when 9 out of 10 times, er, 29 out of 30 times there isn't anything new to read. Well, for those of you having trouble seeing the forest with all these trees in the way, let me help you understand why this is. 2 reasons, really:

(1) quality vs. quantity - note that during every article you've ever read on WUWS, you found yourself muttering, "my god, this is the best fucking thing that I have ever read!!", or, "it's like GoStrider! knows exactly who I am, where I'm coming from, and how I feel right this fucking minute when he tells me about why the Bears didn't need Thomas Jones", or, "I did the math, and I must have made a mistake, but the number of hits on this site come up just short of each contributor visiting it once per day, but man, is it good!"

(2) We at WUWS are determined to be unaffected by the 24-hour news cycle that has done so much damage to the quality of media, today. In protest, not only will we only report on issues that need, neigh, demand to be reported, we will actually neglect to report on most of those, as well. This story is case in point: on an almost daily basis, Theismann does something worthy of a next installment, yet this is the first! With a fantastically designed system of pulleys and levers, we are moving that pendulum back to the center with very little effort. Brilliant!

Theismann's a Retard - Ultimate Depth Chart: NFC North

"The big question mark for this team is at running back: Can the Bears be as successful with Cedric Benson as the lone ball carrier?"

So, as a Bears fan, I am biased, but this is a legitimately retarded thing to say. Why? While Thomas Jones was the Bears' leading rusher, last year, his leadership in the locker room and on the field, in my mind, did more harm than good. Thomas was so popular with teammates that the defense went out of their way to punish Cedric Benson in preseason drills, putting him out for multiple games with a shoulder injury. That absence cemented Jones as the starter while Benson was clearly the stronger, much stronger, back. Benson's a battering ram, and I fully expect 2007 to propel him past his career 4.1 yds/carry and into the upper echelon of fantasy backs and do it while punishing the hell out of defenses. Also, backing him up, we've got the real Adrian Peterson with his career 4.7 yds/carry and Garrett Wolfe with his NCAA-high 1,900 rushing yards while averaging nearly 157 yards per game wit the Northwestern Wildcats, last year, will add some different looks and a spark in the receiving game.

Now, if you're not convinced, here's another, maybe more convincing, quote:

"If he gets time, Favre is still one of the most dangerous quarterbacks in the league."

A day late and a dollar short for Osama bin Dunkin

The NCAA just announced that they're moving the 3 pt line back. If only this would have happened five years ago, our IMA teams would have been unstoppable.

NBA Lottery Running Diary

NBA Lottery drawing 2007! The excitement! The drama! The ineptitude! The culmination of a season's worth of tanking!

The big prize, of course, is Greg Oden. Anyone who takes Kevin Durant over Oden is automatically the worst of the already distiguished group of horrendous General Managers we have assembled. Let's see what transpired....

5:24 Fred Hickman begins a nice montage about getting better through drafting in the lottery. Can Memphis become San Antonio? No chance.

5:25 The Hornets DO have fans. Now I have visual proof.

5:27 Good God, that's a big matrix on the wall of the drawing room. We have computers now, is that thing really necessary?

5:28 Greg Anthony's take on who has the most at stake? Boston and New York. Thanks for coming out, Greg.

5:29 Kevin Garnett is a "perimeter big man"? Was that a back-handed compliment to Durant by Jay Bilas?

5:31 A Patrick Ewing sighting! He played for the Sonics! Is it a sign?

5:32 I just realized that this is going to take an entire half hour. Ugh. This is worse than Deal or No Deal.

5:35 More playoff coverage. BO-RING!

5:38 David Stern defends his suspension decision. Here's a question that won't be asked: how's that Utah vs. San Antonio series working out for you?

5:40 Does Bernie Tolbert really have to just stand there to protect the envelopes? Is that his entire job, all year long?

5:42 And for dinner? Jambalaya. Good omen for New Orleans? Only time will tell.

5:43 And now for the best part: bad GM row call!

5:44 I'd like to take a moment to point out that the Sonics don't have a coach OR a GM right now.

5:45 Could Brandon Roy play with Greg Oden? After the Sonics move to Oklahoma City, that might be enough to convince me to check NBA box scores every once in a while.

5:46 Here we go!

5:46 No love for New Orleans from my jambalaya. It figures, because the jambalaya sucks. I'm a bad cook.

5:46 No changes yet. Go Sonics!

5:47 So intense! SHUT UP HICKMAN!

5:47 Portland moves up!

5:47 SEATTLE MOVES UP!!! OH MY GOD!!!

5:48 Dammit, here's the Deal or No Deal moment.

5:50 Frantic emails and text messages to and from friends later, I'm deciding what to promise God in exchange for Greg Oden. Community service? My first born?

5:51 Number 1 or 2! Wowowowowow!

5:51 Kevin Durant baby! And Brandon Roy gets to play with Oden. What luck!

5:53 Look at Brandon Roy. What a guy. With Greg Oden, Brandon Roy's career arc takes him to Hall of Fame level. It all started right now.

5:54 Is Rashard Lewis gone from Seattle now? I say yes. Sign and trade maybe?

5:55 Fred Hickman: "it's a great day for all of these teams". Really? I'm pretty sure Memphis and Boston fans think it sucks.

5:57 Jon Barry suggests that the Blazers should trade the pick for veterans. Sounds like NBA GM material to me. The Sonics have an opening....

6:00 And now back to playoff basketball, and time to turn off the TV. Big day for the Pacific Northwest. Take that, East Coast bias!

David Stern Hates Us

David Stern hates NBA fans. That's the only logical conclusion that can be made after he 1) suspends two of the best players on the most fun to watch team in the NBA for essentially doing nothing at all, and 2) laughs and jokes about it afterwards.

When asked who was at fault, the Dictator Commish pointed his finger at the Phoenix Suns. It is Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw's fault they momentarily left the bench, then went back immediately. A momentary lapse of reason, rectified before any harm was done. For that, the series gets handed to San Antonio. That the Spurs nearly refused the tremendous gift of a road victory is beside the point: David Stern threw an important NBA series because he deemed it more important to enforce the letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law.

And in response to valid criticism from Dan Patrick, he jokes about building a fence around the bench or hiring more assistant coaches to contain the players. Maybe a fence should be built around Mr. Stern's ego. Strict enforcement of a bad rule is not just, strong, or courageous. In fact, it is cowardly. The courageous act would be to bend the rule due to circumstances, after realizing that strict enforcement would essentially reward Robert Horry's cheap shot. Instead, Stern hides behind the rule and attempts to deflect blame to the players. Their crime? Being unable to contain their human emotions for about 3 seconds, during which time nothing happened. NBA fans may be gluttons for punishment, but we are not stupid enough to buy the Dic. Commish's grandstanding.

So who ultimately loses? We do. The fans. Even Spurs fans, who if they win a title will have it tainted by this controversy. Thanks, David Stern, for ruining and forever tainting what could have been an all-time great series. Some people will believe that you fixed the series, but the truth is that you don't give a damn who wins or loses as long as the league makes money. And you know all too well that for every hardcore American fan, who has followed the NBA since birth, that you lose due to shenanigans like this, there are three more European and Chinese fans ready to take their place. The NBA has gone global, which is why you don't care whether a franchise is in Seattle or Oklahoma City.

In the meantime, try to hide your contempt for the fans a little better.

Why Dallas Lost.

Much has been said about Dallas' horrific performance against Golden State in the first round of the NBA playoffs, but nothing much needs to be said. We can dissect whether or not Dirk Nowitzki is a true superstar or not, or whether Jason Terry is an adequate second fiddle, but none of that speaks to the heart of the matter. The bottom line is this: Golden State was the more confident team.

How did they get that confidence? Well, for one thing they beat Dallas twice during the regular season, once handily, going into their late-season matchup on April 17th. At that time, Golden State was fighting for their playoff lives while Dallas had clinched everything they wanted to clinch. So what happened? Avery Johnson rested his starters and Golden State thrashed them. The next day, Avery played his starters again in a mashing Oklahoma City Sonics, while Golden State throttled Portland to secure the 8th seed.

What a horrible mistake. First of all, Avery Johnson should have known from previous meetings that his team didn't matchup well with the Warriors, and further that Don Nelson would know his gameplan. Avery should have done everything he could to knock the Warriors out of the playoffs when they had the chance. Secondly, playing your starters the day after resting them against a possible playoff opponent is idiotic. What happened to sending a message? Forget about the fact that resting players before the playoffs is highly overrated, Avery essentially told Nelson's crew that he was afraid of them.

Then, as we all know, Avery changed his starting lineup before Game 1. Yes, the 67-win #1 seed changed to matchup against the barely-made-it-in 8th seed. The series was over at that point. Golden State had all the confidence it could ever need, and confidence is the single most valuable commodity in basketball. Does anyone think that Baron Davis makes so many shots without a fundamental confidence that his team was going to win? Or Matt Barnes would become a good NBA player? No chance.

Nowitzki did not step up like superstars sometimes do, but even superstars can't alone stem the tide of a confident team attacking them. The blame must fall on Avery Johnson for allowing the Warriors to gain that confidence in the first place. Coaches rarely win a series, but in this case a coach lost one.

UW Players in Trouble Again! Arrested!

University of Washington basketball player Artem Wallace was taken into police custody early Sunday morning on suspicion of being involved in a hit-and-run car accident on Alki Avenue.
Wallace, a 6-foot-8 reserve forward who recently completed his sophomore season at UW, was one of two suspects investigated and then released following an incident at around 1:30 a.m. Sunday. No charges have yet been filed.
A police report stated that a car hit a motorcyclist from behind on Alki Avenue SW. The motorcycle then hit a parked car and the rider fell off.
The vehicle that struck the motorcyclist sped off without stopping to render aid or exchange information, according to a witness quoted in the police report. The witness reported that the vehicle, a 1996 Acura Integra, then lost control about a block north and hit a parked car.
Witnesses described two men opening the trunk of the car and placing several items into a backpack, and putting the backpack in nearby bushes before running off. The backpack was later discovered, and contained several beers and bottles of alcohol, according to the report.
Two police officers arrived soon after the men left the scene of the accident and saw them running north on Alki. When the police officers got out of their car and ordered the two to stop, the pair continued to run before being caught and placed in custody.
The police report described both men as "extremely intoxicated."
Each denied driving the vehicle and none of the witnesses were able to see who had been driving, the report said. The suspects were taken to the Southwest Precinct, identified and released.
UW coach Lorenzo Romar was not available for comment this morning. UW officials said only that they knew of an incident involving Wallace and were still investigating.
Wallace has been primarily a reserve for UW the past two seasons but did start seven games, most coming at the midway point of last season. He averaged 2.4 points. He scored a career-high of 12 points in a loss at Arizona and finished the season with one of his best games, scoring 10 points in the Pac-10 Tournament loss to Washington State. Wallace graduated from Toledo High School after moving from Russia.

c'mon, everybody's got an evan

WUWS post 18 - live from the Derby

This is the best. If you are my friends, you will join Phil and i someday - 10 days notice or more!

Saw Jordan and entourage, and Starr Jones and pimp. Not winning shit, scratch horses are my uncle.

Infield is like a State Fair, even your Evan could get laid.

Mayweather in 10 rounds!

-Aquaman (and Aquachick)

The Big Fight you Hardly Care About

This Saturday I'll witness one of sports increasingly rare events. A championship boxing match will be held and on paper it actually looks worth the $49.99 that the cable company will charge. Floyd Mayweather (37-0, 24 knockouts) will put his undefeated record on the line against Oscar De La Hoya (38-4, 30 knockouts). Big deal you say? Let me try to explain why a championship boxing match is unlike any other sporting event out there.

First of all there's the one on one aspect of boxing. This is something none of the major sports offer. Inside the ring there are no teammates to count on if you're having an off night. There isn't a coach to call timeout if the opponent starts landing a flurry of punches. It's simply one man against another man with nowhere to hide. The one on one nature can also have an influence on who you end up rooting for. As a fighters career progresses you learn their personalities as well as their fighting styles. Do you root for the quiet, determined fighter with the straight ahead style? Maybe you like the brash youngster with a huge punch. Perhaps you hate the slick defensive master with the cocky attitude. Once you choose a side with a fighter it's hard to go back.

The second thing that's hard to explain to non fans is the tension that builds up during a big fight. In other sports, the game ends only after the clock runs out or the last out is recorded. Obviously in boxing the match will end after 12 rounds, but during the fight there is always the looming specter of "the big punch." The fighter you're cheering for can be comfortably winning the fight but if he lets his guard down for just a second he can find himself on the losing end of a left hook. In the best matches, you feel your stomach in knots as the fight works it's way from the early stages on to the championship rounds. The big punch changes the complexion of the fight instantly in a way that a fourth inning homerun or 3rd quarter interception just can't.

Finally you have the release of emotion when there is a knockdown or knockout. All the tension that is built up finally gets a release and when it's your guy doing the ass kicking it's one of the best feelings sports has to offer. The closest thing to this is soccer at its highest levels.

So, who is going to win on Saturday? De La Hoya's big advantage is supposed to be his size. Mayweather is moving up to 154 pounds for this fight. Both fighters started their careers at 130 so size advantage may not be a huge factor. De La Hoya has fought at 154 for a longer time so he may be the more comfortable of the two at that weight. Mayweather's big advantage is his speed and boxing skill. De La Hoya is a great boxer as well but Mayweather is special and is generally acknowledged as the best pound for pound fighter in the game. Mayweather doesn't have the same power he used to as a lightweight and welterweight but he doesn't appear to have lost his speed. My guess is that the fight will go the distance. I expect Mayweather to use his speed to keep from getting hit by too many De La Hoya shots. Oscar will have his moments if he can hit Mayweather, but in the end Mayweather should prove to be too good. I'm thinking Mayweather wins a unanimous decision but it'll be close with scores coming in the 116-112 and 115-113 range.

Big Sam steps down

In case you didn't catch the news over the weekend, the manager of the Bolton Wanderers, Sam Allardyce, stepped down over the weekend. As a proud supporter of Bolton this is a big blow. Bolton is a club that takes players that other clubs overlook and turns them in to stars. They take retreads and breathe new life in to their careers. They take talented, tempermental players and make them work as a part of a system. They are a poor man's New England Patriots.

The one constant in this equation was their former fullback and now former manager, Sam Allardyce. He took the team from the bottom of the EPL to a consistent presence at the top of the tables. They've played in Europe the past several seasons and are set to make another UEFA Cup appearance next year as they sit solidly in 5th place.

The sudden loss of Big Sam will no doubt hurt. The question is whether Bolton can build upon, or at least sustain, the success he has taught Bolton fans to expect over the past several seasons. Regressing to the dark days of relegation and uninspired football will surely not please the fans at Reebok Stadium.

Perhaps most striking about this move is that he is reported to be moving to Manchester City, home of the Beaz and a team that is in constant danger of relegation. I understand wanting to take on the challenge of another turnaround, but how about delivering a top 4 finish in the Premiership and a place in the Champions League before you go?

Picks, continued

Alright, now that we're legit, I can make these picks the way they were mean to be made, at 8:01 AM PDT, while listening to Disc 2 of Ted Nugent's Double Live album. Stranglehold's coming up in 8 minutes and 46 seconds.

Wait, Stranglehold's coming up right now. I forgot, that's the only thing worth listening to on this, but oh, how it is worth it.

Alright, the draft, we're at number 4. Let's get down to business.

4. Joe Thomas - ok, you're right, i'm just looking at Peter King and Don Bank's mock drafts and plagiarizing, but i'm pretty sure that's what one or the other did as well. besides, i just switched shit up on those losers. BOOM!

5. Gaines Adams - i have no reason to think otherwise. the next warren sapp? the next Jarvis Moss? or, uh, maybe the next somebody from Arizona?

6. Okoye - i kind of wish the bears dealt briggs for this guy, though i'm sure it would have been a bad move, b/c Angelo would have pulled the trigger if otherwise. Angelo knows what the fuck he's doing, by the way, come draft day.

7. Adrian Peterson - not b/c I think it'll happen, but i'm ready to make my own way in this world. also, DIII's point system doesn't penalize much for being 1 off. ha! fucker

guitar solo

8. LaRon Landry - "The Ron", it's French, er, it's freedom

9. Levi Brown - OK, I'll say it, this guy's nasty!

10. Tedd Ginn, Jr. - why look at the o-line, now? Schuab won't notice

11. Adam Carriker

12. Pat Willis - I predict the 9ers take 2 games against the hawks this year. i'm just saying.

13. Jamaal Anderson

14. Darrell Revis

15. Leon Hall

16. Marshawn Lynch

17. Reggie Nelson

18. Alan Branch

19. Jarvis Moss

20. Lawrence Timmons

21. Anthony Spencer

22. Michael Griffin

23. Aaron Ross

24. Jon Beason

25. Paul Posluszny

26. Brandon Meriweather

27. Dwayne Bowe

28. David Harris

29. Joe Staley

30. Robert Meachem

31. Greg Olsen

32. Anthony Gonzalez

There it is you assholes. I'll take my money after I get up from my AYYYYYY MMMMMM ALE!

Dear Diary...blah blah blah - Picks, well, 3 of em

So, I'm not quite sure what kind of cry baby shit DIII put out there last night because it's 7:45 AM and I don't care. What I do know is that it's 7:45 AM, I've got big money on the table w/ that f'ing DB, and I have not submitted my draft selections, yet. 15 minutes, can it be done? Am I sweating? Am I worried? Am I rushing to copy and paste whatever Len "slice of provolone for a face" Pasquarelli has for draft predictions in here? Am I drunk?

OK, yes (but it's from the booze), yes (it's now 7:51), yes (i make this great egg plant dish w/ provolone), and yes (but it's from the booze).

Here it goes, it's like 8 minute abs, but instead, I'm exercising my MIND, and my FINGERS, fuckers.

Here it goes. Shut up. Here it goes.

Jamarcus Russell - anybody here about this kid's arm? me neither, but i have heard that he's athletic
Calvin Johnson - what else is detroit gonna do. i mean, drafting wideouts in the first round has always worked out well for them

5 minutes

Brady Quinn - does anybody have doubts about this guys pecs?

3 minutes - let's me honest, it may be time to start going w/ everything Peter "my daughter looks like a UW cheerleader" King's picks here. hmm, that can't possibly end well.

orrrrrrrrr, I'll just post these right now, and buy myself 45 minutes. yaaaaayyyyyyy

Dear Diary

Took the wife out for drinks earlier on but she was coming down with a cold so we came home and I settled in for a night of tv.

Flipped over to the worldwide leader and found myself actually paying attention to an NBA game for the first time all year. Who are these Golden State Warriors? Sure I know who Baron Davis, Jason Richardson and Monta Ellis are but I certainly didn't know that they could be this entertaining. Davis is that rare former UCLA player who I've always enjoyed watching but obviously I wasn't paying near enough attention. He takes the ball to the rim strong and the Mavs simply didn't have an answer for him. Can Golden State beat Dallas two more times? I don't know because tonight the Warriors were throwing in all kinds of ridiculous shots. It doesn't matter. Tonight I may have found my new team since the Sonics are dreaming of Las Vegas.

I also turned the channel long enough to see the Mariners win another game and reach .500. All I ask of the Mariners is to stay within shouting distance of first until August 31st. Once the Huskies start playing the M's can tank it. Just don't force me to watch Arena football or even worse go outside.

Tomorrow's the draft and the Hawks don't pick until the mid 50's. Here's hoping they find a stud defensive tackle and a competent tight end. Seattle fans need another run at the Super Bowl to remove the bitter taste in our mouths from a couple of seasons back.

Mock 2007 National Football League Annual Selection Meeting

I enjoy watching sports. I really enjoy watching big sports events and gambling. Now I enjoy the draft but normally I couldn't care less about who the Vikings pick. It was fairly obvious then that adding money into the equation would spice things up. So here's the rules. We're gambling on the first round only. Scoring is similar to ESPN. If you nail the pick you get 5 points. If you miss the pick by one spot you get 4 points and so on. With that out of the way, here's my best guess at the first round.

1. JaMarcus Russell
2. Calvin Johnson
3. Brady Quinn
4. Gaines Adams
5. Joe Thomas
6. Amobi Okoye
7. Jamaal Anderson
8. LaRon Landry
9. Levi Brown
10.Alan Branch
11.Patrick Willis
12.Adrian Peterson
13.Leon Hall
14.Reggie Nelson
15.Adam Carriker
16.Marshawn Lynch
17.Brandon Meriweather
18.Darrelle Revis
19.Robert Meachem
20.Paul Posluszny
21.Jarvis Moss
22.Ted Ginn
23.Dwayne Bowe
24.Aaron Ross
25.Greg Olsen
26.Lawrence Timmons
27.Jon Beason
28.Michael Griffin
29.Joe Staley
30.Dwayne Jarrett
31.Justin Harrell
32.Steve Smith

There you go. That's a damn near unstoppable mock draft!

92,000 reasons the SEC kicks ass at football

Christ, I didn't know the VT shooting was going to cause WUWS to go into such a deep mourning. With proper respects paid to the victims, it's now time to move onto something else.

We here on the west coast (and by we, I mean everyone but me so fuck off) like nothing more than to bitch about east coast bias.

"The media doesn't pay attention to the Pac-10."
"The media underrates the Pac-10."
"The media overrates (insert whichever conference is good in a given year)."

Waaaah. Cry me a fucking river. Here's a picture of Bryant-Denny from Alabama's spring game last weekend.




That's 92,138 fans. For the spring game. And they had to turn away other fans.

You want to know why the SEC is so fucking good at football? There you go. It's not because a bunch of yahoos have nothing better to do on a Saturday than watch a fake game. The fans are symptomatic of the passion that the South has for football. That passion translates to cutthroat competition in all aspects. From stadium building, to facilities, to recruiting, to coaching hires and all the way down to the actual games. Supporters of SEC teams don't fuck around and it's reflected on the product that's put on the field. Is it any wonder then that the media pays so much attention to these teams?

This weekend while the Huskies are playing their Purple-Gold game in front of 20,000, I'll be sitting on Go Strider's couch gambling on the NFL draft. Does that make me part of the problem? Maybe, maybe not. I personally don't believe in an east coast bias and even if it is true, it wouldn't bother me. But that's for another post.

Thoughts and Prayers....

We at WUWS stand in solidarity with all the victims of the recent tragedy at Virginia Tech, their families, the students, and the whole nation. Such senseless acts remind us all of the important things in life.

USC signed who???

I'm actually gonna send you over to Joey's site at Straight Bangin' for this story. Go ahead, i'll wait.



Ok you're back. Really? Is any opponent going to take him seriously after seeing those videos? As an opposing fan I'm not exactly in awe of this signing.

Solid UW Basketball Update

Would be pointless for me to simply reiterate the times article today on UW's current basketball recruiting situation, but great insight into their current standing, as well as what we all feared, a note at the end of the article claiming the rare occasion that UW may be competing with WSU for a basketball recruit. That's just sad, is a player willing to go to WSU worth UW's time?

Seattle Times Article Link

SPC's new Shirt

Description
Chloe, Patch me through to DoD and set up a perimeter around the location. No one gets in or out unless I say so. I give you my word.

Courtesy of Aquaman....

Ultimate Pitching Matchup

"He hated Venezuelans! And he was half Venezuelan! .......And he hated irony!"


Who would have won last night if Felix Hernandez was matched up against Bill Brasky and the Red Sox? Discuss.

My Pick: I'm taking Felix after 43 innings of bloodshed. But only because Bill Brasky had to be pulled from the game so that he could give birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.

The games that make Seattle fans jump off bridges

Until this decade Boston fans were renowned for their suffering. What's more, they let you know about it. It certainly must have been difficult to watch Roger Clemens strike out 20 Seattle Mariners. It couldn't have been easy watching Larry Bird win three NBA titles. I can imagine the heartbreak of watching Doug Flutie throw a hail mary on his way to winning the Heisman. The agony of watching the Patriots go to two Super Bowls was a profile in courage. OK ok, the Pats sucked horribly most of the time before the Tuck Game.

Here's my point, if you want to talk about a sports town that has suffered quietly while enduring it's fair share of heartbreakers then you need to head over to Seattle. The Sonics won an NBA title when I was in diapers and the Huskies won an NCAA title 16 years ago. Half a title at that. Two championships. That's it. Other than that, we've been able to witness many 90 loss Mariners seasons. Seahawks fans once regarded Rick Mirer as the franchise savior. We even managed to find humor in the substance abuse problems of Shawn Kemp and Vin Baker. To top it off, at one time or another the Mariners, Seahawks and Sonics all threatened to leave town. Somehow in between all this mediocrity, our favorite teams have managed to occasionally raise our hopes. Of course this is Seattle so they screw it up often in heartbreaking fashion. I give to you an unlucky 13 Seattle sports dissappointments. Get ready for a horrifying trip down memory lane.

2006 Sweet 16
Washington vs. UConn

Where do you begin with this one? There was dubious refereeing that led to Brandon Roy sitting for most of the second half and most of the starting lineup fouling out. There was Mike Jensen making a stupid foul late in regulation. There was a last second shot by Rashad Anderson to send the game to overtime. There was Joel smith making a bad pass to seal the game. One of the most frustrating parts was that Washington would have played an unimpressive George Mason team for a shot at the Final Four.




1992 Apple cup
Washington vs. Washington St.

The Huskies had their 20+ game winning streak snapped a couple of weeks earlier against Arizona but still came into this game ranked in the top 5. Beating the Cougars would have given the Dawgs their third straight 10 win season heading into a Rose Bowl rematch with Michigan. The enduring image of this game is Drew Bledsoe hitting a diving Phillip Bobo who slid into a snow pack at the back of the endzone. This game hurt not only becuase it completely removed any remaining mystique the Huskies had, but also becuase it came at the hands of a rival. The coming months saw the Huskies lose in the Rose Bowl followed by the Billy Joe Hobert scandal and finally Don James stepping down before the 1993 season.


1999 NCAA First Round
Washington vs. Miami(OH)

In retrospect I'm glad I decided to go to class for the first half. Bob Bender and the Huskies returned to the NCAA tournament where they had lost in the Sweet 16 a year earlier (more on that later). Wally Szczerbiak, and yes I had to look up how to spell that name, went apeshit as Bender steadfastly refused to play any kind of box and one zone. Szczerbiak scored 43 of his team's 59 points. That's right 73%!!! Despite this, the Huskies still had one last shot to win the game. It was blocked by Szczerbiak and the Huskies went home early. This loss hurt and Bender never was able to get the Huskies back into the postseason. The program quickly spiraled into the kind of mediocrity that comes with players like Thalo Green and Michael Johnson.


1995 Western Conference Playoffs, First Round
Seattle Supersonics vs. Los Angeles Lakers

There's not a single Sonics fan that needs help hating the Lakers. Well this series helped. I don't even remember much about it other than Nick Van Exel throwing uppercuts after hitting a bunch of 3 pointers. That really pissed me off!


1994
Washington vs. Oregon

The Kenny Wheaton game. This loss actually stings more now because it was a springboard game for the Oregon program. Before this game, Oregon was a perennial doormat. They were the kind of team you didn't even give much thought to becuase the Huskies always beat them. In '94, the Huskies ended Miami's home win streak and were a top 10 team coming into the game. Late in the 4th quarter, the Ducks were up by four but the Huskies were driving. Then...




2003 NFC Wildcard
Seattle Seahawks vs. Green Bay Packers

Let me set the scene. January. Lambeau Field. Overtime coin toss.

"We want the ball and we're gonna score!"

I loved the confidence Matt. I hated what actually happened.


1997 Apple Cup
Washington vs. Washington St.

Brock Huard throwing a ton of interceptions off his back foot. Ryan Leaf with his fucking cocky smirk throwing for a ton of yards and touchdowns. Cougar fans rushing the Husky Stadium field at the end of the game. Washington State clinching their first Rose Bowl trip in 67 years. Ugh.


2001 ALCS
Seattle Mariners vs. New York Yankees

A classic "We're the Yankees and you're not" series. The Mariners had won a record 116 games in the regular season behind great pitching and a balanced offense. It seemed like everybody on the team had a career year. After struggling to beat the Indians in the divisional series, the Mariners were set for a rematch with the Yankees. It was over before it started. New York went to Safeco and swept the first two games. The Mariners showed up in game 3 and clobbered the Yanks. In game four, Alfonso Soriano hit a walk off homerun and the M's rolled over and played dead in game 5. What was so frustrating was how the Yankees didn't even have to break a sweat to win this series.


1993 Western Conference Finals, Game 7
Seattle Supersonics vs. Phoenix Suns

When Bill Simmons can stop talking about David Ortiz and Larry Bird long enough to mention that the Supes got hosed, then you know it was bad. I don't have the numbers but let's just say that the Suns shot A LOT of free throws. David Stern demanded a Michael Jordan vs. Charles Barkely final and he got it. I'm sure he chuckled to himself when he thought about all the stupid Soincs fans who thought their team had a chance. Barkely was a whining bitch. Dan Majerle had a stupid tan and a stupider nickname. Kevin Johnson couldn't close his mouth all the way. God, I hated that Suns team.


1998 Sweet 16
Washington vs. UConn

The Huskies were playing the role of Cinderella as an 11 seed. With time running out UConn was down one.




2006 Super Bowl XL
Seattle Seahawks vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

I don't need to go into detail and it's probably a good thing that the NFL doesn't allow highlights to be posted on youtube.


1990
Washington vs. UCLA

This one may not be as well remembered as some others on the list but it's my personal most bitter Seattle sports memory. The Huskies were 8-1 and ranked #2 in the country when the day started. UCLA was bad and was a heavy underdog coming into Montlake. On a windy, rainy day Mark Brunell played like Casey Paus and UCLA led late. Washington scored a late touchdown to tie it at 22. UCLA then was forced to punt with less than two minutes left giving the Huskies a chance to drive for a potential winning field goal. It was not to be as Brunell overthrew his receiver and the pass was picked off. UCLA moved the ball close enough to attempt a field goal. With seconds left on the clock, their kicker hit an absolute dying quail that won the game and killed Washington's national title hopes. To add insult to injury, the following week saw a loss by #1 Notre Dame that would have assured the top spot for Washington. This loss cost the Huskies at least a split of the 1990 title. I'd even go so far as to argue that a title in '90 would have led to the Huskies being ranked higher to start 1991. That higher ranking may have been the difference between splitting the title with Miami and winning it outright. I think my innocence died that day. To this day if you want to get my dad fired up, bring up this game.


1994 Western Conference Playoffs, First Round Game 5
Seattle Supersonics vs. Denver Nuggets

Any Sonics fan should be able to tell you where they were during this game. The Sonics drilled the Nuggets in the first two games. Before game three, John Elway was doing the player intros, the Denver crowd was fired up and they blew out the Supes. The Sonics had a chance to win game four but Shawn Kemp missed crucial free throws and assholes everywhere got tight. Game five went to overtime and we were treated to this indelible image.



I still can't believe they lost to the Nuggets. Robert Pack had the only good games of his career during this series. Robert Pack!!?! I thought this team was going to win the title with Jordan retired. What a wasted opportunity. It felt like a family member died that day.

What Happened to Husky Football?

January 1, 2001. A beautiful sunny winter day in Pasadena, California, a far cry from the dreary, rainy winters in Seattle. Despite my weariness and dizziness caused by heavily drinking into the wee morning hours, I could still clearly make out the scoreboard:

Washington 34, Purdue 24.

Yes, the Washington Huskies had finished an improbable season 11-1 and ranked #3 in the final polls. Marquis Tuiasosopo, whose name rolls off the tongue of any UW alum like poetry, was the king of the world, and possibly the greatest Husky ever. That I was in his graduating class is a point of much pride.

I have been a Husky fan all my life. Some of my friends talked about how great it would be if the Huskies were able to win the Rose Bowl our senior year. Thanks to Tui, we did. And the experience was more than I could have imagined. Sitting on the border of Husky fans and Purdue fans in the Rose Bowl, I heard all the pre-game talk about "Big-Ten smash-mouth football". So what happened? The Huskies ran for 268 yards to Purdue's 76. And I can personally attest that the Purdue fans did not like hearing about that all game. Some of them wanted to hurt me. Badly. But it's the risk you run when you speak the truth to the masses. Just look what happened to Jesus.

Sadly, that warm winter day many years ago marked the last game of a strong Husky program. Good wins the following season against Michigan and Stanford, and the annual beating of Washington State when misguided Cougar fans seemed to think they were good at football, are the lone highlights since. In 2007, a .500 season and a trip to the Sun Bowl would be cause for celebration. Some people have even suggested that the UW is a basketball school. Many current students have never been to a bowl game, but have seen three NCAA tournament bids.

How did it come to this?

This takes some dissecting. The reasons are often related to each other. For instance, recruiting has been terrible. Why? Well, partly because of the upheaval in the coaching situation, partly because of poor prioritizing of needs, and partly because of the lack of wins. The problem can't be pinned down to one cause, nor can it be resolved with one cure. That said, here are the reasons UW football is so down:

1) Lack of overall strength among the athletes.
2) Lack of coaching continuity.
3) Poor recruiting.
4) Fan apathy (no, we as fans can't be let off the hook).

Now, 1-3 can basically be attributed to poor vision and strategy by the coaches. But of all the mistakes made by the staff(s), failing to develop talent is by far the worst. Since limits were placed on the number of scholarships, programs have had to depend more on their development programs to turn initially somewhat marginal recruits into key performers. There is less margin for error, but if your developmental system is constantly making your players stronger and smarter then you can still succeed and maintain success.

The Washington Huskies are among the physically weakest teams in college football. The proof is in the results: an inexcusable lack of a running game for years now, and a total inability to stop the run. Those battles begin in the trenches, and the men in those trenches need to be strong. Rick Neuheisel was more concerned with recruiting receivers than linemen and he was even less concerned with strength training as his firing of strength coach Bill Gillespie shows. All Gillespie did was help make strong men out of the lesser-caliber but hard working recruits brought in by Jim Lambright. Instead of the fu-fu "functional strength" nonsense preached by later strength coaches, including Steve Emtman who of all people should know better, Gillespie believed in lifting a lot of weight as many times as you can, then pushing you to do more. The past weightlifting records are no longer posted in the Husky weightroom because the current athletes are so far away from them.

This lax view of working out not only caused mediocre players to remain mediocre, but it caused talented players to not realize their full potential. Many Husky fans are surprised to learn that troubled Chicago Bears star Tank Johnson is actually former Husky Terry Johnson. He was a good college player, but clearly the training program held him back from being the dominant force he is in the NFL. The fact that he's bat-ass crazy and probably a felon notwithstanding.

Injuries is another measurement of overall strength, and the Huskies have been hit with more than their fair share of those in recent years. At one point a couple years ago, over half of the springtime projected starters were out with injury. That doesn't happen to a strong, well-conditioned team. With some strong games running the ball in 2006, perhaps the Huskies under Ty Willingham have turned the strength/conditioning corner.

Can all this be blamed on the lack of continuity and direction from an ever-changing coaching staff? In part. But the players must take some blame in policing themselves. I believe the coaching situation has more affect on recruiting than players already in the program, and recruiting certainly has not been good. Again, the proof is in front of us: the number of players drafted by the NFL has decreased precipitously since 2001. This year, there are only two players who are projected to get drafted: Isaiah Stanbach and Dashon Goldson. Stanbach because of his athleticism and NFL-ready deltoids more than his achievements, and Goldson only God knows why. Take it from someone who watched him over the past two seasons: don't draft Dashon Goldson, he's not a good player. The lack of NFL draftees is also in part attributable to the poor developmental program.

Also contributing to the poor recruiting? A half-empty Husky stadium. It's shameful how so many "fans" have jumped ship. As far as I'm concerned, the only reasons to miss a game are if you pass out in parking lot beforehand or if it's raining really, really hard and the game is on local TV.

Now, how do these problems get solved? The good news is that my exact prescription to solve these problems appears to be happening right now:

1) Make the players stronger so they can run the ball and stop the run.
2) Get the players to buy in to the new system so they work hard during games and especially during the offseason.
3) Nab a star recruit to generate buzz and hope for the future (it only takes one).

The recruit? Jake Locker. He's already been named the 2007 starting quarterback as a redshirt freshman, but the remaining fans would riot if he wasn't. He will likely be on every ticket stub, program, and media guide created this season. All he needs to do is lead the Huskies to some improbable wins this season and a bowl game, however crappy, then we can officially talk about the rebirth of Husky football at this time next year.

And maybe, just maybe, in four years students at the University of Washington can have the same experience I had: a Rose Bowl victory in their senior year.

Forget the summer, bring on the fall.

Noah Can Take His Arc And...What???

Joakim Noah is Ugly and Fat and Bad

Have you ever noticed how many times immigrants to America or people from extremely poor backgrounds work harder than everyone else? Well, Joakim Noah was raised with a silver spoon in his ugly mouth which leads me to believe he doesn't care as much about basketball as, say, Ron Artest, who's choice was to become great at basketball or die in a hail of gunfire while snorting crack off of a fire hydrant covered in bird droppings.

Did you notice how tired Joakim was after the first couple minutes of the NCAA title game? One of Billy Packer's few talents is pointing out how tired people are, and in this case he was right. Noah was gassed after about two minutes. How can this be? He has had an entire season's worth of conditioning. Are Coach Donovan's practices as soft as his first name? Perhaps, but then again no one else on Florida seemed so tired after just a couple minutes. Al Horford didn't look as tired at any point in the game.

What we have left is the obvious: Joakim Noah doesn't work very hard. The proof is right in front of us: he didn't improve from last season, he got tired very early in the biggest (and last) game of this season, and he doesn't take showers. He is supposedly a good defender, but you'd have to be an complete idiot to have his size and length and not be able to defend Lorenzo Mata. Put him against competent talent and it's another story. If he is such a good defender, then how did Greg Oden have by far the best game of his college career against him AND Al Horford AND Chris Richard AND Marreese Speights' three fouls? We all watched Oden back Noah down like he was an ugly, out-of-shape, talented-yet-horrible basketball player who didn't give a crap.

So that must be what he is. Yelling when you score doesn't mean you care. I hope the Celtics draft him.

Pac-10 hoops to get respect next season?

In Atlanta the other day, CBS sat Washington State's Tony Bennett on a chair for national TV, selected him its national coach of the year and splashed on the screen his name and school logo — a nice purple "W".

So funny, yet is stings too!

Next season will be the year of the Pac-10 in college basketball. No other league will have the chops at the top or the depth down below.
ACC? So yesterday. It was widely judged to be the nation's best this year, but then it went out and had a 7-7 NCAA tournament, and only one of its seven entries advanced to the second weekend.
Only the SEC (10-4), bulwarked by Florida's repeat run, bettered the Pac-10's 10-6 NCAA record. The SEC, and possibly the Big East, could argue bragging rights with the Pac-10 in 2007-08, but with Florida and Kentucky in flux, that's not a good start.
The Pac-10 could return 16 of its top 20 scorers next year. It probably won't, but if players like Washington's Spencer Hawes and USC's Nick Young opt to hang around, the league race will be, as they say at the horse track, contentious.
Six teams were ranked the first week of February, in a season in which the freshman class was never better.

Way too early 2008 NCAA preview

Looks like we got a little lazy here at WUWS. In case you hadn't heard there was this thing called the Final Four over the weekend. While most people were involved in the now, I'm always looking ahead to the future. Unfortunately, I'm not always looking very closely so with that in mind here are some teams of note for 2008 followed by my definitive top 5 teams heading into next season.

Teams of Note:

Texas
I'm going to assume that the Chosen One will be throwing lightning bolts and peeing gold in Memphis or Milwaukee or some other barren NBA outpost. The Longhorns will still return the bad decision making of DJ Augustin and the worse coaching of Rick Barnes. Still, they're talented and should be good enough to make a run at the Sweet 16.

Florida
The carnage will be tremendous as people jump off this bandwagon. Oh they'll still have good players I just can't name any of them. If Billy D goes, there will be a lot of drama surrounding this team.

Ohio State
Greg Oden is tall and in college hoops that counts for a lot. It only took 35+ games but we finally saw what all the hype was about against Florida. Being tall also counts for a lot in the NBA draft which is why he won't be around. No matter, Ohio St is bringing in five(!) 7-footers next year. At least it seems that way. If Conley sticks around, expect this team to be good. Plus they play in the Big Ten which has gotta be worth an extra 4 or 5 wins.

Indiana
What?!??!? I know, the Big Ten sucks but I like Kelvin Sampson's track record. Indiana showed improvement this year and actually looked like they cared. DJ White is a good player down low. The backcourt will be helped by the arrival of one the top 3 high school players in Eric Gordon.

USC
This team could be a soap opera with the arrival of OJ Mayo. He's a major talent. He also looks like he could be a major head case. Or a drama queen. Or a cancer in the locker room. Or all of the above. If he lets Tim Floyd actually coach him, this could be a very dangerous team. If he decides he needs 20 shots a game, this team could be one and done. I'll be pulling for the latter.

And now it's time for the Top 5. Drumroll please.

5.Louisville

Perhaps I smoke too much crack. Maybe I think too much of Rick Pitino's coaching ability. Whatever, I like this team. They're led by the fiery point guard Edgar Sosa who sounds like a rival to Tony Montana. Down low, they bring back David Padgett and Derrick Caracter. On the wing they have Terrence Williams who dunks hard and is one of the most athletic players in the Big East. This team has a lot of black guys, a trait of all of Pitino's most successful teams.

4.Kansas

These guys will break your heart every time. They also don't lose anyone to graduation. Sure somebody is bound to go pro but they'll be loaded regardless. Chalmers and Collins should be back and if Brandon Rush returns this will be the best backcourt in the Big XII. Julian Wright may take his long arms to the NBA but Darnell Jackson and Sasha Kaun are experienced and capable in the frontcourt. If Darrell Arthur sticks around then this team could be a threat to go the the Final Four. But they won't. They'll break your heart every time.

3.Memphis

This will be John Calipari's best team since his '96 UMass squad that went to the Final Four. The Tigers will be loaded. Nobody of import is graduating and they're adding one of the best prep point guards in Derrick Rose. I've seen him on TV and he's badass. If Chris Douglas Roberts and Joey Dorsey don't jump to the NBA then this team will be athletic as hell. They will buttfuck teams like SMU, UAB and Houston on the regular. They will win 30 some games and no one will really know if they are any good. Pretty much like this year, but better.

2.North Carolina

Is it possible to have too much talent? North Carolina made us wonder that at times this year. Brandan Wright is likely to be gone. That is not a problem. Reyshawn Terry and Wes Miller graduate. That is not a problem. Losing those players will free up minutes for all the 4 and 5 star kids on the bench. If Tyler Hansbrough leaves, then there might be a problem. Yes, he's overrated and annoying as hell to opposing fans. But he's an absolute Brockman-type beast that is hyper competitive. He gives Carolina an edge that they otherwise lack. He's Psycho-T!!!

1.UCLA

Does anyone really want to see them in the Final Four again? No, but it may not matter. The only question is if Aaron Afflalo returns. He's not that great an NBA prospect but he's a good college player. If he returns then we'll be treated to announcers once again saying that Ben Howland has UCLA playing the rugged east coast style of defense he brought from Pittsburgh. FYI, Howland is a west coast coach. Check out his bio sometime. Anyway, UCLA's glaring weakness was the lack of an inside game. Enter Kevin Love. The freshman is beefy. He rebounds. He can score. Bill Simmons will tell you that he throws the best outlet passes since Wes Unseld and Bill Walton. You will tell Bill Simmons to shut the fuck up and go back to talking about the NBA and NFL. The Bruins should cruise in a good but not great Pac-10 and will enter the tourney as the favorites. I will pick against them and be bitter when they knock out Louisville, Memphis or whatever other team who's bandwagon I've jumped on.

That's it. You now know who the best teams are for next year. Go ahead and pencil them into the Elite Eight and thank me later. Care to disagree? Think I'm overrating somebody? Tell me in the comments.

...And WUWS Will Walk 500 More

It takes a bigger blog to attract 500 visitors in such a short amount of time. DadaDAda, DadaDAda, dundadadundadadundadadundadadun

Fans Voice Support For the Hard Line

An excerpt from Chicago Tribune report on the Bears Fan Convention:

...
General manager Jerry Angelo sat and smiled, awkwardly, alongside coach Lovie Smith and team President Ted Phillips. For an hour the triumvirate listened as the most repeated theme emerging from the highlight event of the 10th annual gathering of the faithful revolved around one idea: Don't blink in the Briggs stare down.

The momentum building at the microphone was like a home crowd trying to pump up its defense to make a stand on fourth-and-inches.

"I'm with everybody else—let him sit," Trish from Naperville said.

Another fan, who called Angelo's wife, Bernie, his best pick ever, urged the GM to "stand tight and dictate and not be dictated to."

To which Angelo replied, "How do you think my dictate?"

...

Josh Hickman Hits the Big Time

Why Baseball is the most poorly run sport besides basketball and hockey

So I just drafted a fantasy baseball team. I've found that having a fantasy team is the only way to keep me interested in baseball, and baseball is all we have for a long, long, LONG time after the NCAA tournament ends (expect for the NBA playofss, but who watches that crap anymore?).

Anyway, I drafted a team that is sure to be the model for every fantasy team assembled afterward. Much like the NFL, fantasy baseball is a copycat league. I checked the schedule to see when I could start watching my gladiator-like players in action (some of whom I've actually heard of before), and it turns out Opening Day is Sunday April 1st. But only two games are being played that day, which means that for 26 teams Opening Day is the next day: the same day as the NCAA National Title game.

What?!?

Why on God's green earth would you schedule your opener to occur on the same day as another sport's final championship game? Is baseball so arrogant as to believe this won't drive away fans in, say, the Florida or Cleveland or Cincinnati or Los Angeles or Washington DC markets? Yes, baseball is that arrogant and has always been that arrogant. They canceled the World Series for a year, and the fans still came back. Hell, they called it the "World Series" before they even let black people play. I can see how the conversation must have went:

Bud Selig (commissioner): When are we going to start our season?
Robert Manfred (vp, labor relations): Why don't we just cancel it again? Don't we lose money every season anyway? And I fucking hate Donald Fehr.
Jonathan Mariner (vp, finance): We can't do that! We only say we're losing money, and our books show that almost every club is losing tons of money. But we're really richer than God! (extends his middle finger skyward) That's right bitch! What are you gonna do!
Selig: Settle down John. How about we start on April 1st. That's a nice, round date. And to whet the appetite of our retarded fans, we'll only play two games on that day and start the rest the next day. Christ, I'm a genius!
Bart Giamatti (vp, common sense): ....
Tim Brosnan (vp, punkin' fools): That's right Giamatti, you stay dead! We killed your ass long ago! We fucking KILLED YOUR ASS!!!
Selig: Well, since there are no objections, it's settled then. Now set that Royals fan on fire so I can light my cigar....

David Barrett demands his credit

The OG of the postgame

I hear 'ol Luther is taking credit for my brainchild. Well I'm simply not going to take this lying down even if Lute is. Oh I'm sorry, was that in poor taste? Check it out, to settle this once and for all I'm giving you the gift of the original version of "One Shining Moment". Where else can you get the drama, emotion and pure excitement that is the 1987 NCAA tournament? How else can you truly appreciate Derek Coleman, Steve Alford and Rick Pitino at the height of their powers? You can't. So turn up the volume, drop your pants around your ankles, grab some lube and let the moment wash over you.

Permission to buzz the tower!

With a tattoo like that, permission granted!

Big shout-out to our boy in Vancouver. Kicking ass, taking names, and covering those sexy shoulders with a tribute to Gordy and the Royal Canadian Air Force.

Chicago Bears Update - Go Strider's last post Part III

Adam Archuleta, bolsters Bears' secondary, all but securing another NFC championship, and clears all 3 chambers of the Bongest Yard on the same day. Lovie Smith declares love for Jesus, and Tank Johnson "stuffs the run", if you know what I mean.

Go Strider's last post - Part II - One Shining Moment

Why I Hate One Shining Moment

• While I love highlights, they never show the best ones in here
• Plenty of clips of fans, cheerleaders, bands, fat people, mascots, etc. -- I do not care about any of you!
• Lot's of highlights of players pointing, hugging, screaming, praying, crying, masturbating, smiling, saying "ahhhhh", babbling, kissing fingers, thumbs up, child hugging, mascot folatio, titty grabbing, etc. -- again, I do not care, at all. I just want to see badass shit
• The song is fucking terrible. It does absolutely ZERO justice to the moment. It's about as appropriate as rocking out to Nights in White Satin while beating your children (ask DIII about that)
• The song is sung by Luther Vandross - he sucks.
• The only people that like this song fall into one of 3 groups
• guys that cry
  
• people w/ zero taste in music
• my wife and her entire family - no offense wife and family
• kids whose parents haven't told them that it's not a good song
  
• It doesn't get me hyped, shouldn't it get me hyped?
  
• It reminds me of Pink doing gigs for the NFL, and that makes me mad
  

I don't know, I just can't remain silent but deadly about this stuff anymore.

Go Strider's final post - Part I

So, I just realized that my tag might make others think I'm a big Nick Cage fan. So, this will be Go Strider's final post. Prepare for the unveiling of a new name, an awesome, new name.

As the least informed college b-ball fan of the WUWS crew, I'd like to share my thoughts on the FL-OR game.

I do not share DIII's hatred of all things Pac-10 (outside the dawgs). My loyalties are linked to the $$$. What that means is, best I can tell, I am a huge Oregon fan, today. I love those ducks!!

This brings me to my next two points:

• According to my bracket, I know way more about men's hoops than any of these other degenerates. I've been Building a Mystery all over these chumps for the last week, and I expect that to continue with an Oregon victory, today. JPaulGeddy can eat it.
• can't remember what this was going to be, but Taylor just dunked all over someone in white. Who's playing again?

By the way, who loves bullet points? Me, I do . 80% of my job is sending emails with serious use of bullets that will never be read.

So, back to the game. 11-11, and Brewer called for the charge. Brooks with ill-advised shots, and my dog just sneezed all over my sister in-law. Nice!

What's with the fatty shooting hoops on that BOA commercial?

Do you know why, I think, people find Joakim is so ugly? Because he looks like a really ugly woman. That moustache - he looks like a 75 year-old Greek woman. Jeeze-louise!

Elephant In The Room? Porter's ear. What is that thing? Is against the rules to make fun of physical deformities of your opponents? Remind me to get the cauliflower chant going when the Huskies host the Ducks next year.

Leunen!!

22-19, Oregon. Florida just pulled down 13 offensive boards before finally drawing a foul. I'm no expert, but that kind of boxing out my end up biting the Ducks in the arse.

As for ideas for my new tag. I encourage our readers to submit ideas. Just to get this rolling, here some of my early ideas:

• Khan Heir
  
• A Dap Teyshaun
• The Meteorologist
• Major Guido's Lute
  
• Guarding Tess
  

Oregon looks like they have to work way harder for everything right now. I have a feeling this game is not going to end close.

Holy shit, did you see how that backspin totally fucked up that net. My God, these guys are good.

Are you on VOIP? What an asshole.

Do know what I want? I want to see Billy Donovan doing the splits. When is he going to make Time Cop II?

That shot didn't tickle the twine, it tortured the twine. That shot fucking water boarded that twine. Alberto Gonzalez wrote a memo explaining why the Geneva Conventions don't apply to that twine. That shot put a glass rod into the penis of that twine. Then the shot banged on that twine's penis with a rubber mallet, breaking the glass.

Shooter's bounce. Damn you Humphrey!

The King scares the shit out of me, for some reason.

Taurean Green is made out of people!!!!!!!

Oregon may, along with every other school, have hotter cheerleaders than UW. But UW's girls have a permanent lock on those military press records.

Don't you just love this time of year, cherry blossoms blossoming and shit?

Quick poll: Thoughts on One Shining Moment?

I hate the NCAA tournament

My bracket looks something like this

Tonight seems like a great time for a festivus airing of grievances. 9 months early you say? Suck my cack I respond.

1)Kansas
You dirty salt of the earth fuckers. I'm bad at basketball. Some would say I play at a DIII level. You know what I can do though? Make layups. Don't tell me that UCLA played tough defense in this game. I saw the stat early in the second half that showed Kansas was shooting 12/26 on layups and dunks. I now know what Ol' Dirty Bastard was talking about in the into to his first album.

2)Memphis
I'm not really sure why I'm pissed at you other than you cost me some possible money. At least Xavier and Tennessee made Ohio St sweat. You rolled over like dogs in the last five minutes.

3)Pac-10
I just HATE you other nine fuckers. The stupid WSU pride. The nouveau riche Oregon fans. Pretty much everything about UCLA. Fucking conquest (although the USC cheerleaders are top shelf). That damn Stanford tree. The rampant syphilis at Arizona St. Arizona for giving my bracket a bismarck in '97. Corvallis in general. Cal for...I don't really know but I hate Cal as well.

4)Anyone that's ahead of me on their backets
LICK MY BALLS!!! That salty taste is my bitterness spilling over. That includes half of the WUWS crew and about 400,000 people in ESPN nation.

5)Digger Phelps and Billy Packer
Because it's never a bad time to point out that you two are morons.

6)Joakim Noah
You earned this a long time ago. How will you annoy me tomorrow? Are you going to treat me to the Shooter McGavin? Perhaps you'll frighten Verne Lundquist again with your stupid ass dance. Perhaps you'll just look ugly. Doesn't matter, I'm gonna be pissed off when I see you on TV tomorrow.

I'm sure I missed somebody, but don't worry I hate you too. Enjoy the games tomorrow.

Elite Eight ramblings

Butler cannot kick it in the VIP room

It's the Elite Eight and I'm hyped. To kill off some of my nervous energy, I'm posting random thoughts here.

1. This is why I root for the big schools after the first weekend. Look at these matchups! Kansas/UCLA. Carolina/Georgetown. Ohio St/Memphis. Florida/Oregon. All of these games have the potential to be great. Somehow, Southern Illinois against UCLA just doesn't have the same ring to it.

2. How did my conference do? Guess what, I don't care. This is college basketball not football. I'd rather be Memphis (representing a bad conference and having a chance at the Final Four) than Washington (representing a good conference from my couch).

3. Why the fuck does my back hurt? This is like being a 40 year old. I wonder if a chiroparctic visit is covered by my insurance.

4. Jeff Green travelled. I'm not mad at the no call. My bracket was on life support before that shot.

5. Speaking of my bracket, you should cheer for Kansas and Memphis the rest of the way.

6. For me, the story of the tournament that hardly anyone is talking about is that Ohio St plays better when Greg Oden is on the bench. That team just seems to be more cohesive when he's not in there. Perhaps Mike Conley should be the Buckeye freshman declaring for the draft.

7. There are rumors that Rodney Stuckey is going to transfer from Eastern Washington to the Huskies. That would be awesome!

Alright, enjoy the games. Only the prettiest girls get to dance now.

Your yearly reminder. 16 to what?

When watching tonight's games, remember they are playing for a spot in the Elite Eight. Not the great eight. Not the final eight. The Elite Eight. With capital letters.

A google search for final eight comes up with the following.

That not basketball, that's a disaster.

Now for tonight's games, you should cheer for Kansas, Texas A&M, Pitt and Tennessee.

64 to 16: What I learned over the weekend

Psycho T will bite your face
While most of the WUWS crew is suffering from the cruel hangover that can only come from a 60 hour Vegas binge, I'm currently enjoying the sweet hangover that can only come from digesting 48 games in 4 days. Now it's time to take stock of the weekend and see if there was anything to be learned.

Who hit blackjack:
1)The SEC. A couple of weeks ago I dumped on the SEC but in terms of expected performance based on seeding, this conference did great. It's teams had the most wins vs expectations and placed the most teams in the Sweet 16 vs expectations.
2)Mid Majors. Hey the little guys are alright. Butler and Southern Illinois justified their high seedings. Their rewards are matchups against #1 seeds Florida and Kansas respectively. The party will be expected to end there but for now they get to grind on all the pretty girls in the room.
3)UNLV. Yeah, I bet against them but my policy is to never gamble with my heart. Wendell White has been a star and the Rebels have been surprisingly strong on the boards. This run brings back all the memories of Theus, Gilliam, Augmon and Johnson.
4)My bracket. I'm currently in 2nd but still have my entire Elite 8 alive and with Texas being eliminated, Go Strider's bracket will quickly fall from the top spot.

Who puked in the VIP lounge:
1)The ACC. Save for North Carolina, these guys had a bad weekend. Virginia and Maryland both failed to play up to their seeds. Duke got bloodied by Eric Maynor and VCU and Blue Devil fans must be sobered by the fact that Greg Paulus and Josh McRoberts each have two years of eligiblity left.
2)Wisconsin. Everyone could see this coming from a mile away. The Badgers were playing better a month ago and the loss of Brian Butch while not a killer certainly didn't help. A shame as this team's only crime is that it's a little bit boring.
3)Washington teams not nicknamed the Huskies. At least we have the good sense to stay home when we get fucked up. WSU and Gonzaga both lost bringing much joy to the DIII palace.

Who didn't win their 4 team parlay but also didn't fuck a tranny:
1)The Pac-10. They got three teams into the Sweet 16 but UCLA and Oregon were expected to be there while USC isn't exactly Cinderella as a #5 seed. WSU lost a tough one to Vandy but Arizona and Stanford were less than inspiring. This weekend will be the real test for this conference that bitches and moans about east coast bias.
2)The Big-10 in general and Ohio St in particular. ESPN will have you believe that they shit all over themselves. In reality, of their six teams only Wisconsin and Ohio St were actually expected to make the Sweet 16. Ohio State partied like a rockstar on Thursday then nearly choked on their vomit come Saturday. Hey survive and advance. Sometimes what works in Vegas works in the tourney as well.
3)Kevin Durant. He averaged nearly 30 points a game but his Longhorns got throttled by USC. Hopefully this wasn't his last game at Texas but wishing for that is stupid.
4)The #1 seeds. We saw Florida, Carolina and Ohio St all struggle this weekend. Kansas on the other hand cruised and is playing very well right now. All of them won which sets up some potentially huge matchups next weekend.

Well that's a wrap for the first weekend of the tournament. The lack of any huge Cinderellas means that there are going to be some big games this weekend. While the first weekend of the tourney is the most exciting, for my money the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 is the best weekend for fans of college basketball. Move over Albany. Step aside VCU. It's time to make room for the blue bloods.

George petitions to get some reps at the combine

Step 1: Commission Dean Kamen to design a state-of-the -art helmut that he can fit that Admiral Akbar like noggin in.

Step 2: Throw the ball 70 yards. Repeat.

Step 3: Go into hibernation until Raiders lose first 5 games of '07.

Like a 10-yr old on Christmas Eve...

I can't handle the night before the NCAA tourney.... I've watched every ESPN analyst breakdown every game. I have the betting lines memorized like pi (3.1415, something, something). I got writers cramp from filling out so many brackets. The Tivo has been cleared for space, the Slingbox is all wired up, the Vitamin R (Rainier beer) is getting cold in the fridge.

Let's just play the games all ready... 10 hours and counting.

Yay!!!

R.I.P. Stardust

Alas, Vegas will never be the same. The Stardust Casino is gone. The venerable casino at the north end of the strip, home to many years of debauchery and booze-addled shenanigans, was imploded yesterday to make room for a casino that is newer, shinier, and undoubtedly has the good sense to never allow me or my friends through the door.




But how I will miss the Stardust.
Gimme another sports book where...
You can still find a seat at the bar at 2:00 pm when you finally roll out of bed.
There's a McDonald's strategically placed halfway between it and your hotel.
You can choose the no-brainer option of drinking out of a souvenir beer mug all day.
You can walk next door and get a $1 margarita, and a $1 18-inch hot dog (not recommended).
You can (and should) sing at the top of your lungs with the lounge cover band.

Stardust was the best of a bygone era and now all that remains of it is my souvenir beer mug. R.I.P.

Gustavus Adolphus wins Second Title !!!

Gustavus Adolphus wins Second Title defeating conference rival St.Mary's in the coveted All-MIAC National Title Game. All eyes were on the battle between centers Glazier and Valentine, but in the end it was Larry Dorsey who took control of the game and taking MVP honors. The title gives coach Geddy his coveted second championship and denys his arch-rival sergeantsuj his first. These season was the last of the mighty Miac teams as both coaches move up to DI to carry on...

GO VALPO BABY!