Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Joakim Noah is Ugly and Fat and Bad


Have you ever noticed how many times immigrants to America or people from extremely poor backgrounds work harder than everyone else? Well, Joakim Noah was raised with a silver spoon in his ugly mouth which leads me to believe he doesn't care as much about basketball as, say, Ron Artest, who's choice was to become great at basketball or die in a hail of gunfire while snorting crack off of a fire hydrant covered in bird droppings.

Did you notice how tired Joakim was after the first couple minutes of the NCAA title game? One of Billy Packer's few talents is pointing out how tired people are, and in this case he was right. Noah was gassed after about two minutes. How can this be? He has had an entire season's worth of conditioning. Are Coach Donovan's practices as soft as his first name? Perhaps, but then again no one else on Florida seemed so tired after just a couple minutes. Al Horford didn't look as tired at any point in the game.

What we have left is the obvious: Joakim Noah doesn't work very hard. The proof is right in front of us: he didn't improve from last season, he got tired very early in the biggest (and last) game of this season, and he doesn't take showers. He is supposedly a good defender, but you'd have to be an complete idiot to have his size and length and not be able to defend Lorenzo Mata. Put him against competent talent and it's another story. If he is such a good defender, then how did Greg Oden have by far the best game of his college career against him AND Al Horford AND Chris Richard AND Marreese Speights' three fouls? We all watched Oden back Noah down like he was an ugly, out-of-shape, talented-yet-horrible basketball player who didn't give a crap.

So that must be what he is. Yelling when you score doesn't mean you care. I hope the Celtics draft him.

3 comments:

DIII Player said...

First!

I agree, he's ugly and annoying and bad at sports.

Swimfan said...

I think he's an inspiration.

JV said...

I think it was really sad when his brother, River, died.